


Not Alone

by PrinceOfHell00



Series: The Child Earl [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Broken Heart Syndrome, Canonical Character Death, Caring Sebastian, Comfort/Angst, Comforting Sebastian Michaelis, Crying, Crying Ciel Phantomhive, Daddy!Sebastian, Demon Sebastian Michaelis, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced spanking, Little!Ciel, Mental Breakdown, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Platonic Kissing, Poor Ciel Phantomhive, Thumb-sucking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26855575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceOfHell00/pseuds/PrinceOfHell00
Summary: "For as far back as Ciel could remember, he always had a habit of sucking his thumb when highly distressed. Whether it be due to the stress that came with running such a large, vast company–while also simultaneously trying to keep things in order down in the underworld, as Her Majesty's Guard Dog–or due to the relentless fear he received on the nights when nightmares caused by his darkened past came to haunt him. Days and nights like those resulted in the young Earl taking comfort in the childish act."This habit of his, as well as due to his dark and tragic past, have led Ciel to desire to be young again, and for the love and care of another person. Will Ciel get what he so desperately wants and needs?
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sebastian Michaelis & Ciel Phantomhive
Series: The Child Earl [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959112
Comments: 15
Kudos: 82





	1. His Master, Habit

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, after my thousandth time rewatching Black Butler, I got inspired to write ANOTHER agere series! What a shock, Sam's writer brain can't shut the fuck up for 5 minutes. -_- Nonetheless, I'm actually very excited for this new series, and have quite a bit already planned out for it. I'm especially excited about adding a certain inspector into the main fray of things~! But that's all I'm going to say on that. I don't wanna spoil it, after all~ Anyways, I hope ya'll enjoy and stick around for the rest! ^_^
> 
> FYI there's not much little!Ciel in this first chapter, but I promise he'll be much more regressed during the next. <3
> 
> **edited: Like an idiot, I completely forgot to mention the cut on Ciel's arm. :))))

For as far back as Ciel could remember, he always had a habit of sucking his thumb when highly distressed. Whether it be due to the stress that came with running such a large, vast company–while also simultaneously trying to keep things in order down in the underworld, as Her Majesty's Guard Dog–or due to the relentless fear he received on the nights when nightmares caused by his darkened past came to haunt him. Days and nights like those resulted in the young Earl taking comfort in the childish act.

It was a habit his parents tried to break once he reached the age of two, but it hadn't been an easy task. They did everything from tying gloves to his wrists, time-outs, to even going so far as to bribe the child with sweets and toys. That process went on for months, until it seemed like the boy's thumb-sucking problem had finally been solved. Well, for the most part it was, at least. Whenever he had a nightmare or there was a thunderstorm, only then would his parents allow him to take comfort in the soothing action.

After the fire, the only two other people who knew about his little habit, were Tanaka and Elizabeth. Since the old man had been working for his family since before Ciel was even born, he'd been there to bare witness to Ciel's thumb-sucking problem, and even helped his parents with enforcing their methods of getting him to stop during those few months. And of course, since him and Elizabeth had grown up together, she's always known about it, but never once poked fun at him for it (unlike his cousin Edward). Even when he got older, she still never made him feel bad about it. He really appreciated her for that.

Still though, it was an embarrassing habit for someone to have well after the age of four, especially with him being the Earl of Phantomhive, and being known as the Queen's Guard Dog. So when Sebastian found out about it, Ciel thought for sure the demon would make his life an even greater living hell.

During the first couple years of their contract, Ciel had somehow managed to keep his thumb-sucking hidden from Sebastian (don't ask him how, but he somehow managed to pull it off). He was always cautious about when and where he did it, and very hyperaware of his surroundings _as_ he did it. Then the case of 'Jack the Ripper' came along, and his secret was no longer just between two other people, but now with a third, as well–a demon, no less.

The discovery of his beloved aunt's betrayal, along with witnessing her brutal murder by the hands of her reaper accomplice, was all too much for the young boy to handle. That night after the Master and butler duo returned home, and after Sebastian got Ciel's wound cleaned and bandaged up, Ciel went straight to bed, refusing to allow Sebastian to bath and dress him for the night; even refusing the warm dinner and chocolate dessert Sebastian promised to make him afterward. All he'd wanted to do was sleep and forget about all the horrible things that happened that night, even if only for a few hours.

Alas, his slumber that night didn't last him long, nor was he able to escape and forget about the events that unfolded earlier in the night. He woke up screaming, tears streaming down his face, with sweat plastering his hair to his forehead, making his already grimy, bloody and sticky clothing only that much more filthy. With grief and fear coursing relentlessly through him–and a somewhat familiar, but bizarre sensation that left his mind feeling hazy–Ciel jammed his thumb in his mouth and sucked furiously on it, curling up against the headboard and wrapping his free arm around his knees.

It wasn't until his door opened abruptly and his butler rush inside his chambers, did Ciel realize in abject horror that he hadn't just screamed when he awoke, but he also screamed the demon's name for help.

For all of ten seconds, Master and butler could only stare at each other in disbelief. When those seconds came to a pass, and all of Ciel's gut-wrenching, heart searing feelings and emotions finally boiled over in the form of ear piercing wails, it was a thorough shock to the boy when Sebastian sat on the edge of his bed and pulled him into his lap, whispering words of soothing reassurances until Ciel's crying came to a halt, and he fell back into a restless sleep.

After that night (where Ciel had remained in his butler's lap until sunrise), Ciel couldn't look Sebastian in the eye, nor speak more than a couple words to the man, for the next two days. It wasn't until the afternoon of the second day, when Sebastian confronted Ciel on the boy's reclusive behavior, that the relationship between demon and Master, would be forever changed.

Ciel sat at his desk in his study, nervously fiddling with his fingers under the mahogany desk, eyes darting anywhere and everywhere around the room that wasn't at Sebastian–who was standing to his left with faux (because what else could it be but false) concern written all over his face.

"My Lord, please look at me."

Ciel just kept silent, still refusing to look Sebastian in the eye.

He heard Sebastian sigh.

"Young Master, as I told you just moments ago, I'm not going to mock or tease you about that night–nor will I be using it against you in any way. I understand you feel embarrassed, but–"

Documents flew off the desk, floating and scattering unceremoniously to the floor.

Ciel shot up from his seat, fiercely glaring up at the demon with a snarl curling his lips. "Embarrassed? _Embarrassed?!_ I've been humiliated, Sebastian! I acted like a sniveling, undignified child who could do nothing but cry and beg for comfort from a dead loved one. This vulnerability... it's pathetic!"

"Vulnerability?" Sebastian quirked a brow. "What do you mean by that exactly, young Master?"

Ciel's eye widened when he realized his slip of tongue.

"It's nothing. I just meant that it was pathetic of me to show such vulnerability like that–especially in front of _something_ like _you_ ," he hissed. "I'm the Earl of Phantomhive, and as such I have a reputation, accompanied by many responsibilities, to keep up with. I can't afford to act like a child." He turned his head away from Sebastian, feeling the infuriating burn of tears behind his eyes.

He couldn't break. Not here, not again. His pride was already damaged enough, if he allowed himself to give into the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside him–and the thick, hazy sensation that overcame his mind that night, which he knew would accompany–he didn't know if he could recover what little scraps would be left to rebuild it.

"My Lord, if I may be so bold as to ask, did you happen to feel like a small child the other night?"

Ciel internally cursed himself when he flinched at Sebastian's question. The damn demon was too observant, Ciel was unfortunately reminded.

The boy crossed his arms over his chest, looking back to Sebastian and straightening his posture, trying to make himself appear intimidating. "What exactly are you asking?"

"Did your mind feel as if it were surrounded by a thick fog?"

He hesitated in giving the demon a response, but in the end mumbled a simple 'yes'.

"And did you feel as if your surroundings were larger than you? Leaving you with the feeling of being small and helpless?"

Ciel dug his fingers into his forearms, swallowing past the lump forming in his throat. The boy hesitated longer in responding this time, anxious and unsure if he should be truthful.

"Yes... I did feel that way," Ciel eventually said. "What... what does it mean? Is there something wrong with me?" He asked, voice quiet and filled with concern. What if something was seriously wrong with him? He could be losing his mind and going insane, for all he knew.

Sebastian shook his head. "No, my Lord. What you're experiencing is perfectly natural for someone who's gone through the traumatic events that you have. What I'm positive you experienced, Master, is something known as age regression–in which an individual's mind will revert back to that of a child for an unknown amount of time, as a way of coping with their past or present trauma."

Ciel's eye widened, unable to fully comprehend what Sebastian was explaining. "What–no, that can't actually be a real occurrence."

"I assure you that it is, Master. It's actually quite a normal occurrence among many humans that have suffered through similar events such as you have. It's a wonder how you managed to go this long without fulling regressing, considering the regressive behavior you've displayed since early childhood. Though, as they say, everyone has their breaking point."

The young Earl's jaw dropped, face flushing bright red in shame. "H-how do you know about that?!"

Sebastian quietly chuckled, the sound causing Ciel's flush to deepen further. "I've known for a year now. I discovered you one day in your office sucking your thumb while signing documents, and out of curiosity and mild concern, I decided to discreetly ask Tanaka about it. Since he's resided in the manor for many years, I figured he would know something, and I was correct when he confirmed to me that this was something you've done since childhood whenever something stressful or frightening happened to you. Though, at the time, I didn't think it necessary to bring it up unless you decided to first. I will say, I'm impressed you managed to keep it hidden from me for as long as you did. I commend you, my Lord, that mustn't have been an easy feat."

"No, it really hadn't been, but– _ugh!_ Why did this happen to me... haven't I been put through enough?!" Tears of frustration and embarrassment filled his eyes, once again, but this time he didn't care to turn away from Sebastian, and opted instead to glare at the demon.

"This isn't a horrible thing, young Master, it's just your mind's way of handling certain stressors. As I said before, this is a perfectly natural response for someone in your position to have. It's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of."

"That's easy for you to say, you're not the one trying to keep a million dollar company up and running, while also shouldering the responsibility of Queen's Guard Dog. If anyone found out that I actually desired to be treated like a small child, then I would be–!"

Ciel cut himself off with a gasp when he realized what he'd just admitted to out loud.

"N-no, I didn't mean–I just meant... no, I-I..."

Why did he say that? _Why did he say that?_

Though, until he actually said it out loud, Ciel hadn't realized just how much he'd been desiring for that for quite some time. This humiliating desire of his wasn't just a recent occurrence after all, it had been there in the farthest and deepest corner of his mind ever since his return from the cult. Ciel didn't want all of this responsibility, he never did. He wanted to go back to when these responsibilities were solely his father's, when he was allowed to just be an innocent little boy who got to play and be loved and cared for by his parents.

Why couldn't he just go back to being the little boy he still felt like deep down inside? Being an adult was hard. Why had God seen it fit for his parents to die and leave him all alone with these big, arduous adult responsibilities at such a young age? It wasn't bloody fair! He was still just a child–a _twelve_ year old child, who for just one measly day, wanted to not have to concern himself with factory business or seedy underworld business. For one day, he just wanted to go back to being that smiling, happy, carefree child.

Ciel was snapped out of his swirling, somber thoughts when the sound of Sebastian's voice, filled with shock and concern, filtered through the air.

"My Lord, you're... you're crying."

Ciel reached a hand up to his face and touched his left cheek, and sure enough, his hand came back wet with tears. The boy didn't know when he'd started to cry, but now that he was aware, he couldn't bring himself to stop the flow of tears that poured endlessly down his cheeks. Nor could he bring himself to stop what he was about to say next.

"I... I don't want..."

He trailed off when the lump forming in the back of his throat grew too large to continue his thought.

"What don't you want, young Master? It's alright, you can tell me."

The warm, gentle tone of his butler's voice caused something to snap and break inside the young Earl, and before either Master or butler knew what was happening, Ciel's face crumbled and he threw himself against Sebastian's chest. The distressed boy wrapped his arms around Sebastian's waist, gripping the demon's tailcoat like a lifeline.

"I d-don' wanna b-be an adult!" Ciel sobbed. "M'so tired of d-dealing with meetings an' m-m-mean m-men. An' I don' w-wanna hafta go after b-b-bad people anymore, jus' t'see 'em do awful things to o-others b'fore I-I c'n stop 'em. I don' wanna do it anymore, Se-Seb-astian! I don' _wannaaaa!_ " The boy buried his face into the the butler's chest, sobs intensifying and becoming almost painful as they ripped from his throat.

"Oh, Master." Sebastian began rubbing Ciel's back up and down in a soothing manner. "You don't always have to be an adult, little one. It's perfectly alright to take a break from your responsibilities for an extended amount of time when your mind and body require it. You needn't be so hard on yourself, young Master, you're still but a young child who was forced to grow up too quickly because of tragic circumstances. It's entirely understandable why you would want to go back to a time where you felt safe and happy."

Sebastian lifted the boy's tear splattered face up. "I want to help you, little one. Will you allow me to do so?"

Ciel swallowed back a sob, and managed to choke out, "Y-you're s-s-serious? You w-won' make f-f-fun o-of me, o-o-or th-think I'm w-weak?"

"I am a hundred percent serious, little one. And I would _never_ do or think such things about you. I know I've said and done things in the past that would say otherwise, but I have grown fond of you in the last year, my young Lord. I didn't think it was possible, but I have. Because of that, I no longer view you as only a meal, but now as someone I want to willingly protect and give care and affection to. I want to give you a life worth living for."

Sebastian's words held such sincerity and kindness to them, that Ciel couldn't not believe what the man was telling him. Besides, Sebastian, by contract, couldn't lie to Ciel. The demon was obligated to always and only speak the truth to the boy.

Sebastian really did care about him. He wasn't just faking his feelings toward the boy, he genuinely cared about Ciel and his well being.

"So, what do you say, little one?"

A shuddering sob escaped the boy. "Y...yes. Yes, p-please hel-help me."

Sebastian smiled warmly at him. "Then I shall."

"Th-thank y-y-ou...!"

Ciel pressed his face back into Sebastian's chest, and broke out into sobs once more, feeling insurmountable relief wash over him from just that three simple worded response. For once, in such a long time, he didn't feel so alone in the world anymore.


	2. His Master, New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel and Sebastian talk in detail about their new arrangement, and Sebastian explains how he knows so much about age regression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while, eh? Hopefully ya'll find it worth the wait tho. :3
> 
> Golden milk: Milk with turmeric and a handful of other ingredients that's supposed to be a natural pain reliever.

Once Ciel's crying came to an end, and once he managed to push the vulnerable side of himself aside for the time being, Sebastian led him out of the study and to the young Earl's bedchambers. He assumed the man wanted a more private setting for the in depth talk the boy knew they would be having. After what was said back in his study, it was necessary. Once they were in his room, Ciel went over to his bed and took a seat at the center edge. He absentmindedly tugged on the bedclothes beneath him in an anxious fashion, as he waited for Sebastian to come sit with him, fighting off the desire he had to "regress", as the demon had put it.

After making certain the door was shut tightly, Sebastian picked up one of the chairs that resided in the room, and set it a couple feet aways in front of the young Earl.

"So, um, h-how is this going to go exactly? This whole... 'regression' thing?" Ciel asked as soon as Sebastian was seated.

"Well, to put it simply, I'll take care of you whenever you're regressed–or feeling 'little', the term most prefer use–and depending on your mental age at the time, I'll treat you the same as someone would a child physically and mentally that age."

"Alright. That actually sounds... quite nice. What age do you think I'll be when... when that happens?"

"From what I've gathered from your regressive behavior so far, I'd estimate that you might regress somewhere around one and three. Although, you could go younger or even older. In all honesty, we probably won't be entirely sure of where your age lands until you've at least been regressing for a few months."

"How... how much younger can one go beyond a year old exactly?"

"It could be anywhere from a month old to a newborn. It just all depends on the individual."

"I see. So if I did end up... regressing, to one of those ages, you honestly wouldn't mind caring for me?"

Ciel's shoulders tensed the moment the question left him, nerves eating him up at what Sebastian's respond might be. He wondered if the man would say that caring for him at a toddler or slightly older age was one thing, but that an infant or newborn would be nothing but a burden on him, and just asking for far too much. That's what he worried and feared the butler would say to him, at least.

Instead, Sebastian gave him a tender smile and said, "I can assure you, my young Lord, that no matter where your headspace lands, I'll happily care for you and make sure you always have everything you need or could ever want."

The boy's shoulders sagged in relief, and he let out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. "So you really wouldn't find it tiresome or a burden to care for someone in the body of an older child, but with the mind of a helpless babe?"

Sebastian leaned forward and cupped the right side of Ciel's face, staring straight into the child's blue eyes with a firm, but warm gaze. "No, I would never. Even if your headspace turns out to be very young, whether that means a month old or a newborn, I will still give you the love and care you deserve out of my own volition."

Ciel gave a small nod, smiling slightly at the demon.

Sebastian ran his thumb across the child's soft skin, before pulling his hand away and leaning back into the chair. "Now, is there anything in particular that you're especially interested in trying out, young Master? Dummies, nappies, bottles, etcetera. Anything at all that you're curious about, no matter what it is, we'll give it a try."

Ciel bit the corner of his lip and adverted his gaze to his lap, fingers going back to fiddling with the bedcovers. He did have quite a few things in mind, but admitting them out loud to the demon felt more than a little difficult. Sebastian's proven that he won't judge Ciel for this side of himself, but the pieces that remained of his pride couldn't help but loudly protest against admitting to any form of weakness.

The boy was startled out of his conflicting thoughts, when he felt two big, silk covered hands grasp his much smaller ones in a gentle hold. Ciel looked up, meeting the warm, crimson eyes he was growing far too fond of already.

"Young Master, it's alright. You can be honest and tell me what it is that you desire from this. That's the whole point of this arrangement, to provide you the things that once brought you comfort and joy. So tell me, little Master, what is it that your heart desires?"

A blush spread across Ciel's cheeks. "I-I... I w-want to try bottles, and dummies, and I want stuffed animals and t-toys. A-and–and I w-w-wanna try n-nappies, as well," he paused for a moment, blush darkening. "I... I would also l-like a... a... n-nursery. If that wouldn't b-be too much to ask f-for," Ciel stammered out in a whisper.

The demon's face lit up in a brilliant smile. "Alright then. We can most definitely try all of those things and anything else you may want later, my young Lord," he replied, giving the boy's hands a small squeeze. "And I will get started on a nursery for you later tonight after you retire. How does that sound, young Master?"

Ciel smiled just a bit wider this time. "Yes. It all sounds wonderful, Sebastian."

"Now, there's something extremely important we must discuss, young Master." As Sebastian said this, his expression turned serious.

Ciel's smile dropped, and he felt his insides begin to anxiously flutter about, once again.

"What type of discipline techniques are you comfortable with me enforcing, if and when you misbehave while regressed?"

Oh. Well, Ciel certainly hadn't been expecting that sort of question at all. Though, he supposed he should have, considering how it was more than a common occurrence for small children to inevitably misbehave. Hence, the need to bring up punishment factors.

"Oh, um, well I... I'm not sure," was all he could respond with, feeling stupidly caught off guard by the demon's question.

"That's alright, my little Master." Sebastian was quick to reassure him. "Other than time outs for sucking your thumb when you were younger, were there any other punishments your parents or Tanaka gave you for other misdemeanors?"

Ciel was instantly thrown into a memory of when he'd been no older than four years old, and received his first punishment for truly misbehaving. He doesn't remember why, but one day for some odd reason, his four year old self hadn't wanted to go with his parents to visit his aunt, uncle and cousins. Everything was very faint now, but he could still remember yelling and screaming at the top his lungs to his mother about not wanting to go, before proceeding to throw himself on the floor and continue to scream incoherent words of refusal. What happened after that, though, Ciel could _very_ clearly remember. His father picked him up off the floor, still kicking and screaming, and took him to his (at the time father's) study. There is where he received a sound, thorough spanking from the man, and wasn't allowed reprieve until he'd admitted the wrongdoings that led him there.

From there on out, whenever he seriously misbehaved–breaking something intentionally, hitting someone out of anger, throwing a massive strop, etcetera–he received a spanking and/or time out. He hated them, hated them for how they made him feel so guilty and ashamed, how they made him bawl his eyes out until he was red in the face and his throat was raw. Of course, now he does understand that was the whole point of a spanking; to make you realize the wrong choices you made, and to take accountability for them by admitting them out loud to both the person giving you the punishment and to yourself.

Even though the spanking itself was a painful experience, Ciel had to admit that the emotional aftermath of one was actually quite cathartic. Whenever Ciel got through a spanking, his father (or in some cases, Tanaka) would immediately gather him up in his arms and begin whispering words of forgiveness and reassurance to him. Even with a smarting bum that would continue to sting for days after, he remembers still relishing in the soothing motion of being rocked from side-to-side, and having gentle hands rubbing up and down his back and combing through his hair, after the fact. His guilt would instantly begin melting away once he was told he'd been forgiven for his misbehavior, and shown he was still indeed loved.

"Yes, I did receive other punishment. My father, and sometimes Tanaka, would spank me when I'd been especially naughty."

"Would that be something you'd feel comfortable implementing into our arrangement then?"

Ciel hesitated only a second before giving his response.

"Yes. I... I think that would be just fine."

"As long as you're positive then."

Ciel nodded seriously. "I am."

"Good." Sebastian smiled. "Well, I think that covers most of everything. We can make a list of rules you'll follow while regressed later today or tomorrow. There's only one last thing I need to ask you, my Lord."

Ciel gave the demon a suspicious look. "It's not about whether I'm okay with you using a wooden paddle on me for my punishments or something, is it?"

Sebastian briefly laughed. "No, my young Lord. Our talk of discipline is over for now, I promise. I just want to know what you would like to call me when your regressed. It can be a nickname, a shortened version of my name, or even a familial title."

"I, uh... I do have a name I'd like to call you, but... but I'm not sure if you'll be alright with it."

"As long as you're comfortable with whatever name it is you wish to call me, then I'm perfectly alright with it, young Master." Sebastian smiled reassuringly at him.

"Then can I–" Ciel swallowed nervously–"can I call you... 'daddy'?"

The boy's words were hushed and timidly spoken, his flush from earlier returning full force with a fiery vengeance.

"Of course you can, my little Master," Sebastian replied with a kind smile, reaching and giving Ciel's knee a gentle squeeze. Ciel returned the smile ever so slightly.

Now that their talk was finally over, Ciel could ask the question that had been on his mind since Sebastian explained to him what age regression was.

"How do you know so much about this stuff anyway, Sebastian?"

Sebastian let out a soft chuckle. "I figured you would ask me that. Well, a couple of decades ago, I had a Master by the name of Ephraim Wood, who's childhood had been tainted by abuse and neglect from a very young age. Even after he reached adulthood, life for him continued to be exceedingly difficult, to say the least. When he became of age he left his pathetic excuse of a family behind, and managed to get by for a few years on his own. Unfortunately though, he succumbed to alcoholism in his early twenties, making it almost impossible for him to stay employed for more than two months. He had no spouse, friends, nor any other family–that hadn't made his life growing up a living Hell–to fall back on for financial and general support."

"Because of his inability to hold a job for long, it made him unable to afford much food, eventually leading him to become homeless when he couldn't afford to pay his rent either. One day, hunger got the best of him, and he ended up breaking into a shop in the dead of night. Because of that fact, he had expected to find the place empty of any workers. But it turned out the owner happened to live above the shop, and was woken by the sound of glass being broken. My soon-to-be Master ended up being critically shot that night. While he lied upon the shop's wooden floor, bleeding out at a rapid pace due to the hole in his abdomen, he used his last few breaths to denounce God and curse his family and all of his town to Hell."

"And that's when you were summoned."

"Indeed, my young Lord." The demon gave a nod. "And so, I offered and succeeded in making a contract with him."

"Wait a minute," Ciel interrupted, making a 'stop' gesture with his hand. "From the sounds of it, he was seconds away from death. How did you manage to make a contract with a man on the brink of death?"

"Simple, my Lord. I fed him some of my blood to help seal his wounds. In the process, I also placed my mark upon his abdomen."

Ciel grit his teeth and his eye narrowed, hurt flashing across the blue iris. "If that's the case, then why didn't you mention this ability of yours when Madame Red was bleeding out in that filthy alleyway?" His voice was cold and pained when he spoke.

The man's expression immediately softened into an apologetic look. "I am only able to use my blood to heal a human when in my true form, and it can only be done with a human who I'm in a contract with. Please forgive me for causing you to believe I withheld this information purposely."

Ciel's anger deflated, leaving behind a mix of emotions he didn't want to name or deal with, at the moment.

"No, it's... it's alright. Of course there was nothing to be done." He looked away from the man, fearful he'd start crying again if he kept staring into those crimson eyes tainted with genuine guilt. "Go on with your explanation then. What did he ask of you in return for his soul?"

A few seconds of silence passed, but Sebastian soon begun retelling his tale.

"He told me all he wanted was to feel loved and cared for, to be allowed to be the child he never was. Even though at the time I didn't understand the need for it, nor get anything emotionally fulfilling out of it, I still held my end of our deal and gave him what he'd been deprived of for all those years. Quite frankly, I probably wouldn't have fulfilled his wish at all if my curiosity hadn't been piqued, and if I hadn't been utterly starving at the time. We ended up residing in a secluded countryside area, surrounded by lush green oak trees and beautiful wild flowers, in a cabin just big enough for two. For a year I took care of him like the child he desired to be–hand and bottle feeding him, changing his nappies, rocking and singing him to sleep, and anything else that made him feel little and safe. After that year passed, he woke back up in his adult headspace and thanked me for showing him what it was like to receive love and gentle care from another being, even if he knew that I was only playing a role and didn't feel anything in return. That was the day I took his soul."

"Later that same day, I made a trip to the library. After a few hours of research, I discovered that he wasn't the only human who desired to revisit childhood, or who had these types of arrangements with others. Minus the consuming of a soul after the regressing individual comes out of headspace, of course." The demon chuckled at the self-made joke, most likely made out of an attempt to lighten the mood. "As curious as I had already been when I formed a contract with Ephraim Wood, it only grew when I made that discovery, quickly turning my curiosity into fascination. Though at the time, there unfortunately wasn't much written on the subject, so to satisfy my fascination and curiosity, I decided follow and observe every human that read through those short psychology chapters–which I continued to devote myself to until I formed a contract with you, my Lord. That's how I know a great deal of information on this subject."

It was a shocking revelation to find out this wouldn't be Sebastian's first time caring for a human like this, especially considering that the Sebastian Ciel met two years ago was nothing like the Sebastian sitting before him now (the demon truly _must_ have been desperate for a soul). The Sebastian who saved him from that wicked place and slaughtered those perverted monsters, was a ruthless, bloodthirsty, sadistic, uncaring beast who only agreed to play the role of a butler for his soul. But the Sebastian that held him through the other night as he mourned, who was genuinely interested in Ciel's well being, and who was more than willing to take on the role of a parent instead of only a servant, showed that–even if the man could still be in every sense of the word, a demon–Sebastian's mindset and demeanor truly have changed since the beginning of their covenant and time as Master and servant.

"I must say, I'm quite surprised you agreed to that contract. Given how much of a beast you were when _I_ met you." Ciel's mouth curled up into a smirk.

"Hunger can cause one to do things they wouldn't normally do." Sebastian snickered.

"Yes, I suppose you're right." The boy's smirk morphed into a tiny smile, accompanied by a faint, pink blush blossoming over his cheeks. "Though, it was because you made that deal that we're even sitting here having this conversation, so... I'm glad you did."

"So am I, young Master," Sebastian replied with a smile in return.

Ciel blew out a quiet sigh. "I suppose I should finish the rest of my work bef– _argh!_ "

Just as Ciel stood up from the bed, a sharp and searing pain engulfed the entirety of his upper right arm. He grasped the wounded appendage, face twisting up in a grimace and body slightly folding over to the side.

"Young Master!" Sebastian gasped, concern dripping from his voice. "Here, sit back down."

Sebastian gently guided him back onto the bed, then kneeled down and started unbuttoning his jacket and dress shirt. Once Ciel's upper body was bare, Sebastian inspected the boy's bandaged arm.

"We have to change your bandages. Your cut is bleeding again, I'm afraid," Sebastian explained, standing up and walking around the bed, over to the night table on the other side where he'd been keeping bandages, a basin and washcloth, and a needle and thread (just in case Ciel's stitches popped). He picked up the white wrapping and went back around to Ciel, setting the bandages beside the boy, before kneeling down in front of him again and beginning to work on unwrapping the bloody bandages from his arm.

"Once I'm done here, I'll make you some more golden milk to help with the pain, alright?"

Ciel nodded, making a quiet noise of agreement. The acknowledgment of the cut on his arm had his mind wondering to thoughts and memories of his late aunt, causing a bittersweet whirlwind of emotions to overcome him.

He remembered how Madame would give her time to playing all sorts of games with him and Elizabeth whenever the red-haired woman came to visit, always agreeing to their games with a smile, no matter how childish they could be. Most of the games him and his cousin played took place outside, so you could almost always find the noblewoman joyously chasing two laughing and squealing children around the Phantomhive estate's back and front yard, laughing childishly right along with them. On occasion, sometimes his mother and father would join in on whatever outdoor game they were playing; running and chasing Ciel and Elizabeth about, or keeping score if they played a game like cricket.

When Ciel was especially young, at the end of a day on his Aunt Ann's visits, when it was time for bed she and his mother would sing him (and Elizabeth, if she were allowed to stay the night) to sleep. Both of their voices were already beautiful on their own, but when they harmonized, no two other people could even come close to compare. While he lied in bed being lulled to sleep by their song, he used to imagine that was how a choir of angels must sound like when they sing up in Heaven. Those were some of his favorite nights, and not matter how much time passes, he'll never forget them.

Ciel had to wonder now, though, if those moments he shared with his aunt actually meant anything to her, because they certainly meant something to him.

_**'You should have never been born!'** _

Those words haunted him. They replayed over and over in his head until he felt like he was either going to lose his mind to insanity, or vomit from the agonizing pain they caused his heart and stomach.

Aunt Ann said she loved him, yet she tried to kill him.

_'Why would she do that?'_

She left him with both a physical and emotional wound that would scar and be a constant reminder to him of her betrayal.

_'How could Auntie Ann do this to me?'_

Ciel was brought out of his suffocating thoughts when he felt Sebastian's hand wipe a stray tear from his cheek. The young boy also noticed that his arm was now dressed in fresh bandages. He must have truly gotten lost in his thoughts if he never noticed the usual tugging, burning sensation his wound always caused him when Sebastian changed the bandages.

"Whatever is the matter, young Master? Is your arm hurting you that badly? Please, speak to me."

Worry encompassed Sebastian's tone and expression, compelling Ciel to try and convey his feelings before the demon grew more concerned about him. He didn't like seeing the man look so worried. The child much preferred to see him smiling warmly at him with those warm, crimson eyes of his.

"She said she loved me, but... but..."

He trailed off, feeling his throat start to tighten as more tears filled his eyes.

An understanding look appeared in Sebastian's eyes, and he brought his other hand up to cup Ciel's face. "Are you speaking of Madame Red, Master?"

Ciel's bottom lip quivered, fresh tears beginning to trail down his cheeks, landing on Sebastian's gloved hands. Ciel could feel his psyche on the brink of slipping into that familiar, _small_ , vulnerable state.

"Sh-she said she l-loved me, b-b-u'd sh-sh-she h-hur'ded m-m-me...!" The child's face completely crumbled, and he began to sob in earnest over the pain that enveloped his heart.

Sebastian moved up onto the bed beside Ciel, easily pulling the sobbing child into his lap. He ran his hands through Ciel's silky, slate-haired locks, pushing any stray hairs out of the boy's face in the process. The demon also untied the child's eyepatch, freeing the glistening, purple iris from its dark confines.

"W-w-why d-did sh-sh-e do tha' t'me, S'bas'an? She s-sayed she l-l-oved m-me. So wh-why?"

"I wish I knew the answer to that, my little Master, but I'm afraid I do not. What I do know, though, is that Madame Red did in fact love you as she said she did. I assure you she wasn't lying when she said it, so please don't doubt that. The resentment she held for her life, was never powerful enough to extinguish her love for you."

Sebastian pressed a kiss to the boy's forehead, halting his sobs out of pure shock from the surprising and unexpected action. When the man pulled back, he spoke in a soft but firm tone with the child.

"Now, it's time to let go, little one. Let go of all thoughts and feelings of being an adult. Allow yourself to feel and openly express your grief. Allow yourself to be the little boy that's been desperately yearning for love and affection. Let go, Ciel."

The demon's words caused the hold Ciel had on his "little self" to give way, instantly dropping him into that hazy pit of vulnerability, making his emotions feel like he were being crushed by a twenty pound boulder.

Ciel's trembling mouth opened in an ear splitting wail, and was immediately pulled against Sebastian's chest. Ciel gripped tight fistfuls of the demon's black coat, a river's worth of tears pouring endlessly out of his ocean blue eyes, soaking the coat in the salty moisture.

"There's a good lad. There you go, just let it all out." Sebastian started rocking him, alternating between brushing a hand through the boy's hair and rubbing soothing circles into his trembling and heaving back.

"I-I m-m-iss 'er!" The boy's words were muffled as he spoke against the man's chest. "I w-wan' A-A-Auntie _A-Annnnn!_ " He wailed, the volume of his cries increasing.

"I know you do, little one, I know. If I had been able to heal or bring her back, I would have done so in a heartbeat."

"H-hur'ds–hur'ds, daddy!"

Ciel's heart felt like it was about to burst apart at the seams; it was like a clawed hand was gripping the blood filled vessel in a sharp, crushing hold that refused to let go until it accomplished doing just that. This wasn't the first time Ciel had experienced this kind of pain, though. The first year after losing his mama and papa, that pain was a constant, especially during the first couple months. There were many nights where he'd lie awake, clutching at his chest as his heart felt like it was being stabbed and shredded, while simultaneously feeling like someone was sitting with all of their weight on his chest. It was an excruciating, hellish pain to experience. It made you feel like you were dying a slow, miserable death.

Daddy tightened his hold on him, pressing the side of his face against the little boy's temple and giving him a tiny, affectionate nuzzle. "I know, little one. This pain won't last forever, I promise you. As time goes on, it'll become less and less."

"P'ease d-don' e'ber l-lea-ve me l-like Auntie A-Ann, d-d-daddy!" Ciel buried himself as farther as he could go into his daddy's chest, relentless tears and sobs still pouring out of the poor boy.

Sebastian used his right hand to cradle the back of his head, while the other continued moving in circles along Ciel's back. "I swear on my life, my darling little Master, no matter the circumstance, I will never leave your side." Daddy pressed a kiss to his temple. Then, with strong conviction in his voice, whispered, "I will never leave _you_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, looks like I ended it on another scene of my poor baby in tears. Also, I know there still wasn't too much little!Ciel in this one either, but as I've said many other times, my stories take on a mind of their own most of the time lol. But FOR SURE, I can assure ya'll that Ciel will be regressed for most or possibly even the entire next chapter (and there will be MUCH more fluff and a little less angst, too).

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment *cough*theygivemelifeandmotivation*cough* and/or kudos if you enjoyed, and may you have a great day or night! ^_^
> 
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